Ownership Of The Co-Parenting Process

In an ideal world, we wish we had the answer that could unilaterally quash all conflict between you and your co-parent. We wish that we could stop all court proceedings, legal fee payments, and accompanying stress, but we can’t. No one can.
However, We can tell you what will not get you there: Litigation. A court gives you a piece of paper with words. In some circumstances, it’s needed for safety and relief. In most cases, where there is no abuse or neglect; it is just a piece of paper.

In the ideal world of co-parenting, there would be no need for contempt, modification, or status hearings. Again, the order is just a paper. Of course, there can be consequences for the not following the rules and guidelines set out by the custody order, but generally, those consequences will not force someone to be a better co-parent. The process of co-parenting is strengthened, when both parents feel that they both have collective ownership of the plan by which their children are being raised.

Here are three steps to help you achieve that:

1. Seek An Agreement That Echoes Your Child’s Best Interest, Not Yours

Put the needs of your child above your personal desires when it comes to developing an accessible schedule with you and your co-parent.

This may mean sacrificing some of your personal wants to ensure both you and your co-parent share the benefits and burdens of raising your children. This may mean consulting with your co-parent before scheduling a doctor’s appointment for your child and offering your co-parent to take the child to the appointment. You may have never missed an appointment before, but your child is not missing out if your co-parent is there and you are not.

2. Take Mediation Attempts Seriously

Before going to mediation, outline what you hope to achieve at the session(s). Share your goals with your lawyer and seek their guidance on sharing them with the mediator.

In most jurisdictions, mediation sessions are confidential, but make sure you check with your counsel. Also, outline areas where you are willing to compromise on access, support, and custody. This will assist the mediator to better understand how they can best help you and your co-parent resolve your issues.

Finally, be open to suggestions from the mediator. This includes suggestions that may not be a part of your outlined goals. Generally, they have a lot of experience and perspective that can assist you in achieving a resolution that is in the best interest of your child.

3. No Judge Can Give You What You Can’t Achieve On Your Own

Absent, abuse or neglect, the judge or your lawyer cannot save you. They can provide guidelines and benchmarks from their respective roles, but the hard work of co-parenting is on you and your co-parent. After hours of testimony and countless exhibits, the court will make decisions that will govern your children’s life and how you interact with them. However, it won’t resolve all your issues. If someone is not happy with the order, you’re back in court paying lawyers.

The moment you and your co-parent agree to stop relying on the court to provide a parenting plan, you will be closer to achieving best possible co-parenting plan because you will have ownership of the process, with a renewed and shared focus on your child’s best interest.