Building A Strong CoParenting Relationship
Perhaps it’s a bit optimistic to think, but we here at Biadvo believe that no one plans to get divorced. Though almost fifty percent of American marriages end in divorce every year, it seems unyieldingly negative to think that so many would want the stress of seeing their relationship with their former partner become undone, and speak nothing of having to shield your children from the pain of having their family shifted. In cases where marriages have lives of littles ones dangling in the balance, the relationship morphs from spouses to co-parents and that can be a dramatic and hard change to undergo. In the face of whatever problems led to your divorce in the first place, it can seem extra difficult to then go and try to become effective co-parents together. Yes, it can be an arduous journey but it’s not impossible.
Drop the Ego.
It goes without saying that you and your co-parent aren’t always going to see eye to eye and it can prove detrimental if you two don’t lock down a way to communicate to each other. The first and perhaps most obstructive obstacle may be ego: an inability to admit fault or squash an argument. You may value your opinion and viewpoints over the other’s and this only leads to more turmoil between you two when you need to be working towards being good parents for your children.
Remove yourself from your anger and take the time to listen. Open yourself to what the other has to say; remember, there must’ve been some times when you guys could speak to each other in civil manners. Empathy takes us much farther than trying to win an argument, and everyone wins when you two keep in mind that you’re both working towards the same end goal.
We Are the Home Team.
It’s easy to paint your co-parent as an adversary in some light; when emotions are running high. But in actuality, you and your co-parent both only want what’s best for your children. Seeing your relationship as a collaborative effort striving towards the benefit of your kids takes out the unnecessary adversarial elements from within. However you two decide to raise your children, your ability to come together and cooperate when the time calls on it is what is going to define how your children develop.
Baby Steps.
Rome wasn’t built in a day and progress from divorce to a healthy co-parenting relationship won’t be a linear journey. There will be ups and downs, expect them but don’t let them topple you; there are going to be days when everything feels seamless between you and your co-parent, and days when it seems like you two are speaking different languages to each other. It may be tempting to regress and chalk it up to being unable to work with them, but persevere through the hardships.
