Peace in the Face of Custody Battles

There are few more emotionally-taxing moments in a person’s life than when they’re going through a divorce or separation; in fact, Thrive Global ranks divorce as the second most stressful life event a person could go through, ranking only after the death of a loved one. Compound a divorce with the added strain of trying to sort out the custody of any children that you and your former partner may have and you may be feeling like you’re at the very end of your rope at any given moment. It seems especially cruel that during a time like this that you’d be expected to forego your mental turmoil as you go through the numerous court proceedings necessary to square away the messy details of your separation; you’d be forgiven if you feel boxed in and in need of some sort of reprieve. 

Your children, your former partner, and yourself especially need you to be operating within a sound mind as you move through this difficult time. Try to incorporate these things into your life as you and your family make this transition so that you can maintain your peace.

Exercise.

It may be hard to dredge up the motivation, but doing exercise can significantly boost your mood and help you produce energy-rich endorphins to power you through tough times. Try setting aside thirty minutes a day to stretch your muscles and get your heart racing; practices like yoga and calisthenics are effective at working out the body all while teaching us to slow down and appreciate the natural flow of life.

Try: working out with your kids! Invite them to move their bodies with you to strengthen bonds and have fun during tough times.

Self-Care Through Cleaning.

Look around and ask yourself if the space you inhabit is conducive to a healthy mind and emotional state. It’s not uncommon for our environments to become cluttered when we’re in tumultuous points in our lives; when it seems like everything is falling apart, who has time to make sure your room is clean? 

First, take a breath and survey your domain. It may be hard to find the courage to tackle the issue of cleaning, chiefly if your space has gotten a little out of hand, but the hardest step is always the first one. Put on a little music to help invigorate you, if need be, and get started. You may find that as you go along it gets easier and easier to put things away, dust things off, and brighten your space.

Try: a deep clean of your house from top to bottom! You’d be amazed at how much your mood lifts when you create a freshly-cleaned environment.

Make Time For You.

It goes without saying that some things get tossed to the wayside when going through life-changing phases. You may find that the hobbies and activities you enjoyed doing don’t spark the same joy in you that they did before the divorce/custody proceedings began and now you may feel mired without them. Give yourself some time to try and get back in tune with who you are, even if you can only do so for a few minutes a day. Meditation, self-care, treating yourself— do what feels good in the moment and you may find your old groove coming back to you in small but noticeable ways.

Try: reinterpreting the way you did things before! Move outside of the norms you found comfort and allow yourself to come out of your comfort zone. You may be surprised by how you react to the changes.

Talk to Someone.

You may think you’re doing yourself a favor by not speaking about what you’re struggling through. When you have little ones who may not understand what’s going between their parents yet still rely deeply on you, it can be easy to think that you need to mask the pain you’re feeling to better protect them. But the truth is that your emotions and struggles are extremely valid and should be addressed as to avoid buildup of negative feelings within you, which can cause depression and anxiety. No amount of superficial ‘strength’ is worth that. 

Though a therapist or counselor is a great option, leaning on a trusted and willing friend to talk to about the issues you’re facing works just as well. Don’t clam up! 

Try: an online support group! Who said internet friends can’t be real? Look for groups of people going through the same thing and revel in the sense of community.